Go Canucks

This 2011 post was accidentally erased in my last purge so it does not count as a new entry. With the NHL finals coming here, I thought my readers would like to know a few details about Vancouver. I only know about surviving here, and it is a very nice place to survive, but I have consulted a brochure to fill you in on what living is like here. The brochure starts with a brief history. I was surprised to learn that this town's original name was not Vancouver but Brown Acre. Apparently Queen Victoria wanted a home for convalescent lumberjacks, no bigger than an acre, that could double as a restroom for British sailors on their way to Australia with boatloads of convicts. But the landscape was still not nearly brown enough. It was far too green. That was when Lord Vancouver lent his own name to the town, to spare it being called the rather silly name of Green Acre, which, of course, would never catch on. As soon as her name changed, her boundaries expanded. The settlers kept going until they hit Surrey. Then they turned around and laid mines behind them all the way home. To go with our beautiful natural landscape, we have abundant wildlife, and the animals are all friendly. In fact, they'll do your housework for you if you know how to whistle properly while you work. Located on the West Coast, our docks receive massive shipping from Asia, as well as regular visits from the Loveboat. Tourism is a huge industry here. It generates billions. Every time a tourist buys a gram of Asian drugs on a Vancouver street, it counts as tourism revenues. The people here are the sweetest, gentlest, most tolerant people in the world - unless you litter. Then they become an angry mob, and if you're a tourist, you might have to swim for it to get back to your cruise ship in one piece. Vancouver tobacco is world famous. Judging from its appearance, it may have been developed by an Irishman. I can't make out the rest of what the brochure says. Food stains in the way. I think someone used it as a napkin. Still, I hope I've been helpful.
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